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i've tried. I HAVE TRIED MY VERY BEST at that very spot, moment and place. but... i stil cant get it right..i screwed it. badly. GONE.
i'll never get anything right nor i deserve anything. im sorry. im sorry bout cant being wat u expect me to be or give u the things that u wan. i'm sorry for letting u down. im sorry for not being a person that u were looking for or expecting smtg from. im just... a failure.
a failure is ALWAYS a loser and THAT.. is who i am.
i cant do anything. i cant change anything bcoz its just the damn shitting thing that is me with the damn fucking problem that i cant even understand myself that made the whole thing worst. im sorry but i really really did try my best at that very moment.i've tried explaining but u cut me out and the lump was forming in my throat. day by day that i've give up bcoz there's no used to explain, no point to explain anymore. no point to live.
dun ask me why i went to BBI again this time. i was at a place which i am NOT SUPPOSE TO BE. and yes.. i was there for the passed 2 to 3 hours plus. and daRn prefects actually found me there..
dun go asking me why am i looking like a zombie these few days bcoz my eyes were just out of shape and it has always been like that for the passed one month. just let it roll.. =) im stil alive
im sorry to some of my frenz out there. its not that i dun trust u guys or anything.. its just.. sometimes.. i prefer to keep things to myself and let it roll.. bcoz basically its just me with the problem and i cant even understand why. i appreciate that u guys cared and wanna be there for me. but somehow.. im pushing u guys away. im sorry. i cant help myself from wat im doing. i cant speak out and im just too tired to do anything.
always slept in class and wouldnt wan to wake up. hugging my bag over here and there. sorry to the teachers that i've done smtg that disappointed u guys and.. for not being the "girl"that u once thought i am. im sorry.
and a word to eleena.. if u're reading this that is.. i just wanna tell ya.. i really do appreciate the day that u actually stay back for nearly 30mins just to wait for me to finish my last paper and walk back together (tho we seperate 3mins later). i am beyond touch that.. and greatful that u actually waited. and i wanted to thank u for that =) hugz!!
thanks to candy and hurul for hanging out with me during monday. oh.. and not forgetting.. zack~! =D been a great day. should try go sucking the shisha again. ;) LoL
babe's off to SG. let's just hope that he'll have a great day there. =)
just got back from KK's lake not long ago. was hanging there with a fren and he sent me home with his bike. the cold wind blew on ur face that it feels so good. went shouting out loud like a mad man on the way. =p hahaha. but it was good.wanted to stand but he wouldnt let. nevermind. =.=
ppl often said that.. HOME is the best place to be. but.. izit true? we do know parents love us so much no matter wat. but.. sometimes.. wat they did. its just the wrong way of expressing their love to us. we know very well they love us so much. more than anyone out there. but.. why sometimes.. we dun feel their love? where's the love in the house? cold shoulders everywhere towards u. when u need them, they turn away from u. tried to explain but came shooting on u bcoz no matter wat u do, wat u say.the wrong is ALWAYS on u.tried to open up but it just dun click.
yawnn.. its been a long long month. a real hard and long once. he'll be back by tmr night. =) yes~!! we'll just wait for him to update some details by then. =D
i'ma hit the sack now. i'll not be around til monday. so take care ya all ppl. and im just sorry for the once that i love and the one who loves me. i know i've disappoint u guys. so much. i do really know.. but.. i didnt really wan it to happen but.. it did. wat's done is done. no turning back. onli look forward and taking each and every step with thorns under ur footstep. blood bleeding out and forming a long long line of blood trace behind u.
lastly.. im just sorry.
bet no one would understand wat's this post is all about =) not even him. =) hahaha. o well.. after all.. its just a blog.u can post watever u wanted too. no? =D
take care ppl.have a great day ahead.
muackz =)
~GraceKoh~
was taken last monday =)